Thoughts From a Late Bloomer
Forest Park- Portland, OR
I didn’t start dancing until I was in high school, and I showed up into the studio straight off the basketball court. Sports had been my primary love and source of movement since I was a little kid. At 14 I was developing into a young lady- awkward, muscular from sports, not knowing what to do with my developing breasts and still very much a self-proclaimed “tomboy”.
My older sister and goddess in my eyes, is a dancer. I grew up watching her perform dance and cheer at football games- she used to teach me dance routines in her room. Although I cherished these times, in grade school the WNBA was just coming onto the scene and I dreamed of being a professional basketball player. As a wannabe tough little athlete I could never expose my secret life of arts and crafts, and quiet journaling time that I would do alone in my room. This was a reflective and creative expression that I never thought could ever be tied to movement. Little did I know, there was dance.
Yes, I was late to arrive to dance, but I was also a completely blank slate. I was teachable, I had no habits, expectations or engrained ideology about what dance “is”. All I knew, is that once I discovered dance I could sense on a very deep level that my worlds of athleticism and art could live in the same place, no longer excluding one from the other.
I studied dance in college and went on to get a degree in dance performance. I was extremely enthusiastic in response to how thrilling and meaningful movement could be; How dance could speak and tell stories, how my desire to write, express and be creative could funnel through my body. I remember thinking that all doctors should also be dancers because I never knew one could feel and be physically aware on such a knowing level. If doctors were fixing bodies should they feel and understand their own body in the way that only dance had shown me how.
I found my niche. I found something that combined my loves and gave me a pathway to self understanding. After being “cut” many times from auditions in NYC, I began to grow thick skin (yet remained extremely sensitive), and grew weary of people telling me “I just didn’t have enough training.” I would always be told I had great presence but that I couldn’t remember choreography fast enough. Choreography is a skill and learning to be fast at it takes practice. This is something I had to catch up on as a late bloomer. I also had really muscular thighs from sports, and a deep insecurity that I was not a real dancer.
Dance has wide parameters. The idea of what dance “is”, is evolving. On two extreme ends there are people who claim any type of movement can be considered dance, while there are those who simply cannot agree after having put so many hours of blood, sweat and splits on their feet to hone their craft to allow just anyone and any movement to be claimed as a dancer or dance. To become skilled at anything takes time- focus, effort and a willingness to stay humble enough to continue learning. I was humble enough to continue trying.
I got a job with Pilobolus Dance Theater after almost 5 years of doing the NYC grind (I got cut from that first audition too!!). I performed, taught and created with them for 8 years and still consider them family. They are loved by audiences world-wide, yet there are some voices saying that the work they create cannot be called dance based on their heavy athletic and theatrical style. Our performances would delight, inspire, wow, puzzle and frustrate some dance critics; they enjoyed it, but was this really dance? At times these reviews that questioned our claim as a dance company rubbed on my insecurity as to whether or not I was truly a dancer. The best and most comforting answer I could find is that it does not matter. I had the time of my life working, traveling and creating, and my niche as a late bloomer in dance was destined to land with a company that is sometimes not even considered dance. In art I believe there are no rules. We can sharpen the usefulness of our tool, taking care of the body and doing dance exercises- but when it comes to being creative and calling oneself a dancer, I believe the only person who can claim that about themselves and have it matter at all, is them. Dance is not exclusive. It is available on many levels from performing on stage and touring to dancing salsa with your significant other on a date night. Maybe you are part of an eclectic group of people that get together and improvise to stay weird (I do!), or take ballet to fulfill a childhood fantasy. It does not matter. If the love and desire is there, anyone can do it, it is accessible on some level. Keep going and follow your own guidance- you are a dancer.
-Jordan Kriston
IG: @jordankristondance, @jordankriston